I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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