smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
