singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
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