No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
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She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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