what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
