Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
