You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
