he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
