matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
