so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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