i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
