I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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