i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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