Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
