My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
