apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
