Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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