summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
