it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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