I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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