At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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