Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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