How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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