I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
