your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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