ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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