the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
