Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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