If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Randomize
