watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
