He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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