Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
