just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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