Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
