remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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