I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
