i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
