but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
