My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize