The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
