woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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