I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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