so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
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So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Sext me about skeletons
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize