We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
