Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
