he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Watching her eat just hurts me
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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