im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
