Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
