Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
