i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
