The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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