it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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