i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
