Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
