It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
