Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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