everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
