I feel great
I just peed on a car
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
