New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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