i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
