a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
