my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
