im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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