I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
