I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Ketchup is God's man juice
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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