You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
