i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
