The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
