I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I think I just sharted jello shots
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
