Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
