porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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