i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
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You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
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Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
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