Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
