im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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