And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
bring money and cleavage
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
