dude i'm inner monologue high
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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