im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
