You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
