quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
