that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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