Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
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