She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
