his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
