it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
