Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
How does one acquire holy water?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
