the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I love how my cats smell like pot.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
