bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
