butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
