ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
