I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
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