how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
