i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
